So it's been a minute....or five years!

Five years ago (just about) I took a step back from this blog and moved my cyberspace home to thebabyquest.com. There I chronicled some of our infertility battle, journey to our son, and then his life for about the first three years. At that time I started dealing with a lot of things...one of which was the fact that we weren't able to add another baby to our family. The blog didn't feel like it "fit" us anymore; and the last few posts were pretty angry. I wasn't really angry at anyone in particular, just the hand that life had given us, and at the lack of support from friends and family. The road we've traveled is a hard one but it's even harder when you have to go it alone... and that's how I felt.  So, I drastically pushed out everyone from my life... probably not the smartest idea but you can't change the past...only learn from it.

In the past year I've been on a couple different medications to try and combat the depression and anxiety I dealt with daily. I've been on my current one for a few months and I'm feeling a lot more stable, my thoughts don't run together anymore, and I don't make irrational decisions as often. Faith wise I feel like I'm still stuck and I have no idea how to process or fix it. Maybe that cannot be fixed??  At any rate that is the biggest struggle...that and accepting life how it is meant to be even if it's not what you pictured. Mike and I are good... solid as we've ever been which is a good thing...his stability and presence I think is a lot of what keeps me grounded.

Sean is getting so big. He will be four next month and I'm still in total denial about that. There are many days I miss the newness of him, and the experiences of his first feats. He is still smart as a whip and doesn't miss much of anything. He is a very, very busy little guy. The last time I weighed and measured him he was 39.5 pounds and 42.5" and that was a couple months ago. He is finally 95% potty trained... we do still put pull ups on at night and if we're out of the house an extended period of time. He is not much of a fan of public bathrooms but we're working on it. At night time it's just a precaution and 9 times out of 10 he wakes up dry. His least favorite thing to do in the world is get haircuts. Current favorites are cars/monster trucks, coloring, playing in the water, going to the park, puzzles, playing ABC mouse, and going places like the zoo or Tumbleweed. We have no idea what it is with him and Tumbleweed... though he really does like to dip the chips in salsa or ranch dressing. And if it's our usual server he bats his big blue eyes and ends up with some sort of treat. Actually that happens most places.... 

Where are we with more children? I'm pretty sure that would be a question most people would have. With my last pregnancy I threw a clot even on injections of blood thinners so my doctors are encouraging us to not try any more. Financially we just had to replace a car and are surviving on one income still so an adoption is out of the question right at the moment. Down the road...we just don't know. If it is meant to be we will figure it out. Emotionally I still have mixed feelings but I'm doing the best I can to deal with them. I still have some moments where I am still upset but I think that is completely reasonable given the situation we were given. I do still feel incomplete but I'm not sure if it is because I pictured having at least two kids or if it's just the fact that I feel like I'm missing pieces of us because of the babies we lost. Still trying to work on that as well... but overall I'm coping better than I was so that is a start.

I think that is all the update my brain can process at the moment so perhaps there will be more later.  Writing does help me to process some of my thoughts and emotions. I am 200% thankful for the gift of my sweet boy...I have no idea honestly where I would be without him or Mike. Those two are what get me out of bed everyday and they make me try to be a better person and do better things with my life.

Officially Moving Sites.....

I'm going to begin removing information from this page and won't be using it anymore, for updates and information about us and our journey to parenthood please visit our new site.

www.thebabyquest.com